How to cope with unexpected Change
By: Y.P. Wright
It happens. The unforeseen has a way of creeping up on us and shaking up our reality. Everyone has experienced some kind of unexpected change in some area of our lives. Whether it’s finding out your partner has cheated, or a business relationship falls apart, the impact to our psyche is the same—and it’s not always easy to rebound from.
I’m usually not one to share my own experiences in this arena, but sometimes the impact is so profound that it must be shared with the world.
Not long ago I had a job with a company that came with some impressive perks. It wasn’t unusual for me to board a private company jet for business trips, dine at 5-star restaurants, or stay in luxury hotels. It was a dream come true for someone from a working-class upbringing.
Now, it wasn’t a situation that I simply walked into. I worked my tail off and moved up the ladder fast. I knew my capabilities and limitations—and I ran with them. I was living the life I had always wanted but I lacked the title that I wanted. So, I left. I took a job that offered the title that I thought I deserved.
Within the first week at the new job, I knew I had made a terrible mistake. That mistake was on me. No one forced me to leave. My ego got the best of me and I knew it. I decided to make the best of it and put my best foot forward at the new company.
It was professionally devastating.
What happened after 3 months with the new company? The unforeseen. It came from so far out of left field that the greatest glove in existence could not have fielded it.
Walking out of my house, I slipped on my steps and broke both feet and fractured both ankles. The breaks in my right foot required surgery and I would be home-bound for nearly 4 months. After a month of working from home, the new company decided to let me go. There was no warning and no severance package.
It was financially devastating.
But I tried to stay positive. After four months I was able to walk with a boot—still unable to drive but at least I could walk. I kept looking for jobs and researching potential markets for my diverse skill set.
The universe had different plans for me and my family. My mother was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer. It was completely unexpected. Because I was unemployed at the time of her diagnosis, I was able to help care for her. However, it was brief. She passed six weeks after her diagnosis.
It was emotionally devastating.
A pattern of devastation was emerging. I hadn’t even had time to process one catastrophe before another occurred. My fight or flight response compass was spinning out of control and I felt completely powerless—but only briefly.
After processing my mother’s death, I came to terms with a few things.
- Everything happens for a reason.
- We are not at the mercy of the universe.
- We can’t control some things, but we can choose how to react.
Yes, it would be easy to succumb to grief but that’s not how I’m wired. After some soul searching, I decided that the skill set and mindset that made me successful at the job that I loved were still in my possession. I own who I am and what I can achieve.
My mother taught me that.
So how do you cope with the unexpected? You embrace it. Let it fuel the fire that burns inside of you. It doesn’t have to be a controlled burn; let that bitch rage and set out to accomplish more than you ever dreamed possible.
Success is the result of effort—not the byproduct of what happens to us.